The Hidden Cost of Conflict: How Neutral Facilitation Can Save Your Business

The Hidden Cost of Conflict

Sun, 11 May 2025 15:08:54 GMT

How Neutral Facilitation Can Save Your Business

Have you ever watched two leaders—both passionate, both capable—spiral into mistrust, miscommunication, and ultimately, mutual destruction?

I have. And the cost to the business is always higher than either side realizes.

Recently, I was asked to step in as a neutral facilitator between two executives whose partnership had completely broken down.
What started as mutual excitement to build something great together had devolved into unprofessional communication, emotional reactions, and the very real threat of litigation.

Both leaders were exhausted. Their teams were confused. The mission was on life support. But here’s the truth no one talks about: conflict isn’t the problem—unresolved conflict is.

What Happened Next

Through a structured process that prioritized clarity, curiosity, and emotional control, I was able to help both leaders:

Name the real issues (not just the surface complaints)
See the impact their behavior was having on the business and people they cared about
Find common ground (even if it wasn’t 100% of what they each wanted)
Commit to forward movement with dignity and accountability

And while they didn’t leave as best friends, they left with a resolution that avoided legal escalation and allowed the business to move forward.

Why This Matters

Conflict is unavoidable. But when it’s left unaddressed, it creates:

Lost productivity
Broken relationships
High turnover
Legal fees
Damaged reputation
And in some cases, the complete collapse of a business

Neutral facilitation isn’t about choosing sides. It’s about creating a structured environment where both sides can be heard, clarity can emerge, and solutions can be found.

Introducing Executive Conflict Mediation Services

If your leadership team is navigating breakdowns that threaten your mission, I can help.

As a certified coach and experienced business leader, I provide confidential, structured conflict mediation designed to:

Restore professional communication
Identify equitable, actionable outcomes
Protect your business from unnecessary disruption or loss

Whether you need a single facilitated session or ongoing executive support, I’m here to help you turn breakdowns into breakthroughs.

Let’s Talk.

nbuik@globalfm22.com

Lunch with a Side of Transformation

Thu, 01 May 2025 15:26:31 GMT

A Chapter, A Connection, A Calling

Every so often, you meet someone whose presence shifts something in you. For me, that someone was Jim Britt, legendary author, speaker, coach, and one of the kindest souls I've had the pleasure of connecting with. Our two-hour conversation felt like two old friends picking up where they left off. I knew almost instantly: this wasn’t just a conversation; it was a beginning. I wanted to stay connected, to learn more, to grow and to be part of his mastermind group.

When Jim invited me to contribute a chapter to Cracking the Rich Code, I paused with intention. What did I want to say? What truth could I share that might help others unlock their own transformation?

I kept returning to one idea: helping others is my North Star.

So I wrote about Barb, a character inspired by one of my real-life coaching clients. Barb is the woman so many of us see in the mirror, smart, successful on paper, but secretly struggling with imposter syndrome. She came to lunch one afternoon, not just hungry for food, but starving for clarity, support, and truth. Our conversation unfolded like many I’ve had with clients: raw, honest, and ultimately, liberating.

What made this story even more personal was the setting, Turquoise, my favorite Mediterranean restaurant tucked in the heart of Chicago’s Roscoe Village. It’s more than a restaurant to me; it’s a place where I’ve shared laughter, tears, and deep connection with family and friends over the years. Including it in my chapter wasn’t just a creative decision, it was a heartfelt tribute.

Writing this chapter was more than storytelling. It was healing. It was clarity. It was purpose in action.

Through Lunch with a Side of Transformation, I wanted readers to know this: you're not alone in your doubts. Even coaches have coaches. Even leaders face imposter syndrome. But there is always light on the other side of the struggle, and often, it begins with a conversation.

Thank you, Jim Britt, for inviting me to share my voice in this powerful series. And thank you to all my clients for reminding me daily why I do what I do.

Transformation, like a good lunch, is better when shared.

Don't Get Mad, Get Curious: The Power of Questions in Problem Solving

Mon, 23 Sep 2024 16:05:31 GMT

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When faced with a challenging situation, it’s natural to feel frustrated or upset. However, rather than letting emotions take the wheel, there’s a more effective approach to problem-solving: asking questions . The phrase "Don't get mad, get curious" encapsulates this powerful mindset shift. By approaching issues with curiosity rather than anger or frustration, you can gain deeper insights, uncover hidden opportunities, and solve problems more efficiently.

Asking open-ended questions and active listening are skills often used in coaching. Incorporating these skills into leadership not only shows that you care but also creates an environment where people are motivated to take initiative, be innovative, and work cohesively, all of which contribute to better organizational outcomes.

One of my mentors at Ingram Micro inspired me to explore the ‘art’ of curiosity which is what led me to become an iPEC Coaching and International Coaching Federation Certified Coach and start my own practice FM22 .

Why We React with Emotion First

Our brains are wired for survival, so when we encounter a problem, we instinctively react. Anger and frustration often serve as immediate responses to perceived threats, failures, or setbacks. These emotions, though understandable, can cloud judgment and prevent us from seeing the full picture.

Instead of reacting impulsively, switching to a mindset of curiosity opens up new avenues for exploration. It allows you to detach from emotional responses and focus on understanding the root cause of the issue.

The Power of Asking Questions

When you get curious, you start asking questions—questions that help you move from surface-level frustration to deeper understanding. Here are some key reasons why asking questions is more powerful than reacting emotionally:

Shifts focus from blame to solution : Anger often leads us to assign blame, while curiosity drives us to seek solutions. Asking questions like, "What caused this?" or "What can we learn from this?" turns a negative situation into a problem-solving exercise.

Encourages exploration and innovation : Curiosity prompts us to explore different angles and perspectives. By asking, "How else could we approach this?" or "What haven’t we considered?" , we open the door to creative solutions that might have otherwise been overlooked.

Builds stronger relationships : Emotions like anger can damage relationships, both personally and professionally. On the other hand, curiosity fosters open communication and empathy. Asking questions such as, "Can you help me understand your perspective?" leads to productive dialogue and strengthens connections.

Promotes continuous learning : When we approach challenges with curiosity, we’re more likely to gain new insights and grow from the experience. Asking, "What’s the lesson here?" can turn mistakes into valuable learning opportunities.

How to Cultivate a Curious Mindset

Developing a curious mindset requires practice and intentionality. Here are some practical tips to help you get started:

Pause before reacting : The next time you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, pause for a moment. Take a few deep breaths and consciously choose to ask a question rather than react. For example, instead of saying, "This is a disaster!" , try asking, "What’s really going on here?"

Ask open-ended questions : Open-ended questions encourage more thoughtful responses and help you gather more information. Instead of asking, "Why did this happen?" , which may sound accusatory, try, "Can you walk me through how this happened?"

Be genuinely interested : True curiosity comes from a place of genuine interest in learning. When you ask questions, be fully present and listen actively to the answers. This will help you uncover key details that may have been missed in an emotionally charged response.

Reframe challenges as opportunities : Instead of viewing problems as obstacles, try reframing them as opportunities for growth. Ask yourself, "What can I gain from solving this problem?" or "How can I turn this situation into something positive?"

Examples of Curiosity-Driven Problem Solving In the Workplace

Imagine you’re leading a team and a major project misses its deadline. It’s easy to react with frustration and demand answers. However, by getting curious, you might ask, "What were the biggest roadblocks, and how can we address them moving forward?" This approach allows the team to reflect on the situation, identify gaps in the process, and collaborate on solutions without feeling blamed.

In Personal Relationships

During an argument with a loved one, emotions can quickly escalate. Instead of letting anger dictate the conversation, try asking, "Can you help me understand why this is so important to you?" This shows that you’re interested in understanding their perspective, leading to more constructive dialogue.

The Long-Term Benefits of Curiosity Over Emotion

Choosing curiosity over anger doesn’t just solve the immediate problem—it creates lasting benefits. Over time, a curious mindset:

Reduces stress : By focusing on solutions rather than dwelling on frustrations, you’ll experience less stress and emotional exhaustion.

Boosts creativity : Curiosity encourages exploration, which often leads to innovative ideas and approaches.

Improves decision-making : Asking thoughtful questions helps you gather the information you need to make informed decisions, resulting in better long-term outcomes.

Enhances emotional intelligence : Practicing curiosity improves your ability to manage emotions, both your own and others’, fostering better relationships and teamwork.

Curiosity as a Superpower (CaaS)

In life, challenges and frustrations are inevitable. However, how you respond to them is within your control. Painful problems are inevitable; suffering is optional. By choosing curiosity over anger, you open the door to understanding, creativity, and collaboration. The next time you face a tough situation, remember: don’t get mad, get curious. It’s a simple but powerful shift that can transform the way you approach problems, both in your personal life and professional endeavors. Embrace curiosity, ask more questions, and watch how it transforms your problem-solving process. Even lions can be curious without being aggressive.

Things Don't Happen to You; They Happen for You: A Coach's Perspective

Mon, 05 Aug 2024 15:33:45 GMT

Practical Steps to Adopting a Healthier Mindset

Life is a journey filled with unexpected twists and turns. As a coach, I’ve seen countless individuals face challenges that seem insurmountable at first. However, one powerful mindset shift can transform these obstacles into opportunities: “Things don’t happen to you, they happen for you.”

Embracing the Mindset

When we encounter difficulties, it’s natural to feel like a victim of circumstance. But what if we reframe our perspective? Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” we can ask, “How is this happening for me?” This subtle shift can open doors to growth, learning, and resilience.

The Power of Perspective

Growth Through Adversity: Challenges often push us out of our comfort zones, forcing us to develop new skills and strengths. For example, losing a job might lead to discovering a passion for a different career path or starting your own business.
Learning Opportunities: Every setback is a lesson in disguise. Reflecting on what went wrong and how we can improve equips us with valuable insights for the future. This proactive approach turns failures into steppingstones.
Building Resilience: Facing and overcoming obstacles builds mental and emotional resilience. This resilience not only helps us handle future challenges more effectively but also boosts our confidence and self-esteem.

Practical Steps to Adopt This Mindset

Reflect and Reframe: When something goes wrong, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself how this situation could benefit you in the long run. Write down your thoughts to solidify this new perspective.
Seek Support: Surround yourself with positive influences. Coaches, mentors, and supportive friends can provide valuable insights and encouragement, helping you see the silver lining in difficult situations.
Practice Gratitude: Cultivate a habit of gratitude. Even in tough times, find something to be thankful for. This practice shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant in your life.
Stay Open to Change: Embrace change as a natural part of life. Being adaptable and open-minded allows you to navigate life’s uncertainties with grace and optimism.

Real-Life Examples

Consider the story of J.K. Rowling, who faced numerous rejections before “Harry Potter” became a global phenomenon. Her setbacks were not happening to her but for her, shaping her into a resilient and determined writer.

Similarly, Steve Jobs’ departure from Apple, the company he co-founded, seemed like a devastating blow. However, this period allowed him to explore new ventures, ultimately leading to his triumphant return and the creation of some of Apple’s most iconic products.

Game-Changing Perspective

Adopting the mindset that “things don’t happen to you, they happen for you” can be a game-changer . It empowers you to take control of your narrative, find meaning in adversity, and emerge stronger and wiser. As a coach, I encourage you to embrace this perspective and watch how it transforms your life.

Remember, every challenge is an opportunity in disguise. Embrace it, learn from it, and let it propel you towards a brighter future.

Feel free to share your thoughts or experiences in the comments below. How has adopting this mindset changed your life? Let’s inspire each other on this journey of growth and resilience!

Nina
nbuik@globalfm22.com

The Other AI: The Power and Magic of Appreciative Inquiry

Fri, 12 Apr 2024 16:22:20 GMT

The Other AI - The Power and Magic of Appreciative Inquiry

I’m fascinated with the use of positive psychology, especially in business. I’m currently studying Appreciative Inquiry (the other AI) so that I can get certified to facilitate team, group, corporate change that is not only sustainable but appreciative over time. Before I dig in, let’s look at what AI is.

Developed in the late 80’s by then doctoral candidate, David Cooperrider, along with Suresh Srivastva, Cooperrider’s mentor at the time. Appreciative Inquiry (AI) is a collaborative, strengths-based approach to change in organizations and other human systems. The term ‘Appreciative Inquiry’ refers to both:

The AI paradigm – in itself, this relates to the principles and theory behind a strengths-based change approach; and
AI methodology and initiatives – which are the specific techniques and operational steps that are used to bring about positive change in a system (Davidcooperrider.com, 2019).

For years, organizations have based change on fixing what is wrong. And when you focus on what is wrong, two things happen:

You see more of what is wrong (the red car – when you think about a red car, suddenly you start seeing them EVERYWHERE)
Feelings of shame, guilt, frustration, anger, blame, start to bubble up potentially creating a toxic workplace.

So, let’s look at the alternatives and the impact that they can have. Cooperrider and his colleague decided to take a different approach and focus on what was ‘working’ within an organization. They found that the inquiry itself can powerfully shape the way we view and develop human systems. And after all, business is one big human system. Even with the explosion of Artificial Intelligence businesses are still organized and led by humans. So, why not make the experience of change and growth positive and inclusive? What might be the results of a methodology and change in thinking from fixing a problem (like a water heater!) to shaping and sculpting a future that everyone is invested in. I choose the latter.

As always, I would love your thoughts on this.

Cheers!

Nina Buik

Just Breathe

Tue, 20 Feb 2024 17:48:38 GMT

How many times a day do you stop and focus on your breath? How much space between calls at work do you gift yourself so you can be centered and clear of mind clutter before moving on? How much time do you gift yourself to just be? Like most, you’re not alone. And in our busy world of back-to-back calls and non-stop ‘gotta get stuff done’, or I don’t deserve to take a break, it’s understandable why you may not stop to exercise self-care.

But how is it serving you? How exhausted are you at the end of the day or how does your non-stop lifestyle impact your relationships?

According to a study published by the Harvard Business Review, “While sustainable job performance requires us to thrive at work, only 32% of employees across the globe say they’re thriving. With 43% reporting high levels of daily stress, it’s no surprise that a wealth of employees feel like they’re on the edge of burnout, with some reports suggesting that up to 61% of U.S. professionals feel like they’re burning out at any moment in time.”

The results of a high stress lifestyle can have a severe impact on your physical and mental health. While adrenaline can trick you into thinking ‘you’ve got this’ the reality is, it’s not sustainable.

What can you do?

First, it starts with self-awareness. Taking inventory of your attitude and energy during these high stress periods of time. What should you take inventory of?

1. My calendar is too full!

2. Your manager's energy

3. Troubled relationships outside of work

4. Rest (are you sleeping enough)

5. Nourishment (did eat enough/well, drink enough water, too much caffeine)

6. Exercise

7. What attitudinal response am I getting from others (could be a reflection of your attitude)

These are just a few, but a good start! As you become more aware, your commitment to change in your life increases. You can then begin an action plan to addressing each one with a plan that serves you best.

And while your thinking about the best approach to tackling each of your stressors either yourself or with a coach, remember there’s one thing you can do immediately, just breathe! Here’s why:

It helps you relax, lowering the harmful effects of the stress hormone cortisol on your body.
It lowers your heart rate.
It helps lower you lower your blood pressure.
It helps you cope with the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
It improves your core muscle stability.
It improves your body’s ability to tolerate intense exercise.
It lowers your chances of injuring or wearing out your muscles.
It slows your rate of breathing so that it expends less energy.

Take the challenge!

Make sure you’ve added spaces in your calendar to breathe and center
Sit in a quiet space
Close your eyes
Relax your facial muscles, your arms down to your legs
Take a deep breath, in through your nose (experience your chest rising), holding on the inhale for 2 seconds
Breathe out through your mouth slowly, intentionally
Repeat 2 more times

How do you feel? Would love your thoughts on this! As always feel free to reach out to me.

Cheers!

Nina

Rethink how you think

Mon, 19 Feb 2024 17:42:45 GMT

Rethink how you think

Did you know that on average:

People spend about 12 hours and 53 minutes per day worrying.
We produce up to 50,000 thoughts a day and 70% to 80% of those are negative.
People spend 46.9 percent of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they’re doing.

And most people allow this loop to play unchecked day in and day out robbing them of their joy, success, and meaningful relationships. Would you ever consider leaving your front door open so that anyone could enter and take your belongings? Probably not. Think about the joy and personal fulfillment you are missing out on because the door to you was left open.

Time to rethink how you think

Unfortunately, all of this ‘stinkin’ thinkin’ can also create physical problems due to the hormones produced like cortisol and adrenaline. So how do you break the cycle? The first step is to become aware of your negative thoughts. These patterns begin early in our lives as we are influenced by the attitudes of our parents or other caretakers. It may take time and you may need some support, but either way, you deserve to keep the joy you were born to have.

The next step is to identify areas of your life that are being impacted by negative thinking. An example might be, “I can’t stay focused in meetings, because I’m so worried about what people are going to think of me after I speak.” Or another might be, “I can’t sleep because my mind is racing with worry.” What feelings do you have during those moments?

Then visualize a new way of how you want to show up in those scenarios. “The next time I have a meeting, I’m going to go in with curiosity and engagement. I’m going to listen with the intent to learn and I’m going to deliver my presentation with confidence.” Or, “I’ve taken several deep breaths. I’m centered and relaxed and I’m thinking of all that I’m grateful for.” And then pay attention to your shift in energy.

It’s amazing how effective this is! Wishing you joyful thoughts.

Cheers!

Nina

You Are Enough

Thu, 01 Feb 2024 17:47:17 GMT

You Are Enough

I’ve always told my children they were born perfect. I believe we are all perfect in the eyes of our creator. And together, we have a unique opportunity to make the world a better place. No matter our gender, skin color, disability, ability, sexual orientation, culture – we are all perfect. I celebrate(d) everything my children have accomplished. And to this day, I remain their biggest fan. I make no apologies as all their accomplishments are icing on a perfect cake.
And then, everything we are involved in from early learning at home, television, magazines, parents, school, sports, social media, doctors (yes doctors) tell us how imperfect we are. And suddenly, we are not perfect enough. We spend our lives trying to be better, prettier, thinner, stronger, smarter, more popular all while chipping away at the perfect form in which we were born.

Perfectionism

“Perfectionism, in psychology, is a personality trait characterized by a person’s striving for flawlessness and setting high-performance standards, accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.”

Not everyone who wants to perform well or achieve excellence is a perfectionist. Many are satisfied with their effort and find satisfaction in their life and relationships. They lead productive lives and through their love and acceptance of self, and they can wholly and joyfully love others.

I remember as a young adult going to a doctor who noted on my chart while in my clear view that I was ‘obese’ at 140 Ilbs 5’4”. Wow. I was devastated and felt like a failure because someone with medical credentials judged me and I believed him. I allowed him to influence how I felt about myself. Not okay.

I’ve also seen how perfectionism can lead to destructive behaviors and illnesses like eating disorders. This requires help and it’s okay to ask for help. Coaching can help with self-image; however, self-destructive behaviors, like eating disorders, require psychotherapy and nutritional support.

Also note that being competitive doesn’t make you a perfectionist. For a perfectionist, winning is not enough…it’s never enough.

Changing your inner narrative

When I was a marathon assistant coach and mentor for Team in Training, I used to ask new recruits and first-time marathoners, “what do you call the person who graduates last in their medical school class….doctor!” I added that no matter where you finish in the race, you are still a marathoner and you are still accomplishing something than less than ½ of 1 percent of the world has ever even tried to do. I wanted them to shed their fear and preconceived notions of marathons/marathoning.

Find an inner voice/narrative that results in your happiness. Find an inner voice of gratitude for the basic gifts in life and see them as abundance. Find an inner voice that is louder and stronger than the external voices that tell you that you are not enough. You were born perfect. You are more than enough!

Cheers!

Nina